The NBA... Where Changing the Channel Happens

I don't know when it happened for me -- I think it was about the time Jordan retired -- but the NBA just doesn't do a thing for me as a fan anymore. I will certainly watch my team (the Celtics) play games, and I loved the run they went on the the playoffs last year, as it was a return to glory... but, and I can't stress this enough, I cannot remember the last time I watched a full, non-Celtics NBA game from tip to final buzzer. I can honestly say it has been years. And yes, that's plural.

Here are some of the reasons why:

It isn't fair. Good players get calls. Bad players (and rookies) don't. At what point did your age and/or experience level exclude you from the rules of basketball? Since LeBron James is a great player, he doesn't get called for an obvious travel. Kobe gets looked at the wrong way, and next thing you know he's on the foul line. Dwyane Wade throws himself into traffic and you know some backup power forward is picking up another foul. I hate it when an announcer says, "it'll be a few years before he starts getting those calls." Why?? The rules will change then? I hate it.

Tattoos. Too many of them. I know you can't control it as a league. I understand people can do what they want with their own bodies. But all I can think of is going to games with my dad when I was a nine-year old kid, asking him all kinds of questions about the game. If the players back then were as heavily inked as they are now, I would have said, "Dad, why does that player have all that stuff on his skin?" And God bless him, my dad would have said, "Well son, its because he's a fucking idiot." And that would have been that. A couple of tattoos is great. We get it, you're rebellious, or you are trying to honor one of your friends that got shot or something. But it is unnatural. Chris Anderson can't even put "white" as his race anymore. He has to go with "multi-colored." And what is the purpose of a neck tattoo?!? And Stephon Marbury has a star on the side of his head. That means these two incredible absurdities have happened in his life:

1) Stephon Marbury actually thought to himself, "I'm going to get a star tattooed on my head."

2) And at some point, a family member had to pose this uncomfortable question, "Uhhhh... did you get a tattoo of a star on your HEAD?!?!"

Timeouts. In that there are WAY TOO MANY OF THEM. In close games, teams save their timeouts so they can advance the ball to halfcourt after the other team scores. This leads to the final minute of close games taking roughly as long as The Godfather. Except for in the Godfather, you aren't able to go take a dump because you know a 4-minute commercial break is going to happen. I was meeting friends out at a bar last weekend, but was late because the Celtics vs Bulls was close. I was probably going to get there on time, but the game got tight. There were about 4 timeouts called in the last 12 seconds of regulation, and I ended up being 30 minutes late. This should not be happening.

The officials. I know this goes with my first topic, but I'm reiterating my point. They suck. They are so terrible at everything they are supposed to be good at. STOP SUCKING. Seriously. Call the game by the rules, and the product will be much better. The lack of following the rules of basketball by the officials makes the NBA totally unwatchable.

The players who cry about calls. And by this, I mean every single player in the NBA. Why would you complain when it is so obvious that the officials suck so bad? Just accept it. In Game 1 of Bulls vs Celtics, Glen Davis was called for his 6th foul, and he was WATCHING a play happen. But he is so used to being beaten down by shitty officiating, he didn't even put up a fight. Big Baby knows -- the officials suck. And if LeBron, Kobe, or Wade ever complain about a call, they should be suspended for 5 games. End of story.

Blowouts. Listen, they're gonna happen. But I just saw a final score saying that the Nuggets beat the Hornets 121-63 -- ON THE ROAD. There is absolutely no chance that this should happen -ever. Needless to say I wasn't watching that putrid performance, but I promise you what happened was the Nuggets took an early 20-point lead and the Hornets just gave up. After scoring 15 points in the 1st quarter, the Hornets rallied for 24 in the 2nd quarter. They must have really liked that number, because they manged to score exactly 24 points in the ENTIRE SECOND HALF. You guys gave up. But don't worry, ticket prices on StubHub were only up to $310 apiece for the nosebleeds. You gave your fans their money's worth, losers. The Hornets organization should give out refunds for that game. I'd love to call customer service and hear their excuse as to why they can't return my money for that mess.

Anyway, I'm logging off to watch the real playoffs. Stanley Cup version. Here, the players try hard all the time. They also grow playoff beards, a lot easier to remove than a dumb tattoo. And it is also entirely possible that the refs call the game the same for Alex Ovechkin as they do for some guy I've never heard of.

In Praise of Psycho T

So I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while now, but kept postponing it because I assumed that nobody would care all that much what I thought about. But often, I tried to remember an idea I had, a thought that was in my mind -- and it was gone. This may have to do with the fact that I'm an idiot, but probably the more likely reason is that I didn't have a blog where I could post that idea or thought. Problem solved.

There is no more appropriate topic for the first posting in this blog than Tyler Hansbrough. If you are bizarre enough to be a regular reader of this site, you'll see that a lot of what I write will have to do with the world of sports -- and some of my more impassioned feelings will come through when the college hoops season is in full swing. And for the last 4 years, Tyler Hansbrough has been sports, and he has been college basketball.

When Hansbrough came to Chapel Hill, the Heels were coming off a national title under Roy Williams -- but the title wasn't won with Roy's recruits. They all left after the title was won, leaving the cupboard bare with the exception of wide receiver-turned-small forward David Noel and a freshman class led by a goofy looking white boy from Missouri. Despite the title, UNC was paling in comparison to the hated Dookies over recent years. The hated rival kept winning the ACC. They had J.J. Redick coming back for his senior year and a run at the ACC career scoring mark. And worse, they had a recruiting haul that was ranked higher than UNC's once again, as (gasp) some studs named Greg Paulus and Josh McRoberts were on their way to Durham to help keep the Blue Devils great.

Laughable.

Do you even remember McRoberts? He was the white Casey Sanders. Greg Paulus? A typical Dook guard. The only thing that made me not hate him as much as I should have was that J.J. Redick christened him "the next hated Duke player." Sure, J.J., pass the buck on to somebody else so we wouldn't hate you as much. This comment, strange as it seems, made me LIKE Greg Paulus more. And it is kind of hard to hate a guy that sucks that bad, despite his taking Dook flopping to epic levels of absurdity. Go to YouTube and search "Greg Paulus flops vs VCU." Who am I kidding, if you are reading this, you've seen that before. And you probably agree with me.

Back to the topic at hand (you'll find that Duke bashing is a likely tangent this blog will be taking), Hansbrough took the bull by the horns immediately in Chapel Hill. As a freshman, he put up 40 vs Georgia Tech, a Dean Dome record. He was unanimous rookie of the year in the ACC, and a unanimous choice to the ACC First Team. He led his band of youngsters into Cameron and beat the top-ranked enemy on J.J. Redick and Shelden Williams' senior night. To this day, that is the most satisfying victory I've ever enjoyed as a sports fan -- and I'm a Red Sox fan who was around in 2004 (and 2007, for that matter).

But that win... what a great night. It was the night Tar Heel fans fell in love with Hansbrough. He had already proven his ability, yes. But as a FRESHMAN, he stormed the den of the enemy and came out victorious, on the night they were celebrating the final time they'd see the great Redick play on his home court. Hansbrough drilled a back-breaking 3 at the shot-clock buzzer for the dagger. And when victory was obvious, he gleefully ran up the court popping out the front of his jersey for everybody to see: NORTH CAROLINA.

The accolades piled up. Four-time unanimous First Team All-ACC. That means that whoever could vote for that team put his name down for FOUR STRAIGHT SEASONS. Every single voter. Amazing. ACC Player of the Year. Consensus National Player of the Year in 2008. All-time D-I leader in free throws attempted. All-time ACC leading scorer. 99th player in history to score 2,000 points and grab 1,000 rebounds.

The only thing missing was the National Championship. And two weeks ago, he took care of that. For 3 weeks, the Tar Heels obliterated whoever was in their path. The only time I was ever "kind of nervous" during the 2009 title run was when LSU tied the game in the 2nd Round early in the 2nd half. Experts suggested that Hansbrough was the 4th-most important player on the team. Real fans know the difference. Real fans know the heart and soul of the team when the team is something special. Yes, Ellington got hot at the right time. Yes, Lawson was unstoppable. But the driving force was never in doubt. The effort machine that was Tyler Hansbrough led the charge from the beginning. The heart, the engine, the motor, the relentless effort... it made you appreciate EVERY MINUTE the kid was on the floor.

He rode that effort to become the 2nd player in history to score 2,500 career points, grab 1,000 career rebounds and win a National Title in his final game as a collegiate athlete. Danny Manning was the only other. He's the 3rd defending National Player of the Year to come back to school and lead his team to the title -- joining Bill Walton and Lew Alcindor. He finished his career 12th on the all-time scoring list, 22 points ahead of Larry Bird. But the most important thing... he came back to school to win the title. And he won it. His number 50 will hang in the Dean Dome forever, and it will face directly across the rafters toward the 2009 National Championship banner that will likewise hang in the Dean Dome rafters forever. One of them a constant reminder of the other.

Next season is quite a bit away, but it will suck the first time I turn on a game and realize that Hansbrough will not be leading the charge. But then I'll remember April 6, 2009 and watching him jump around through the confetti at Ford Field after the final buzzer. What a moment. The reason sports are so great, and why college basketball remains the purest of major sports. The senior who came back to the coach, school and team he loved to lead them to the championship he desperately wanted. The accomplishment of the goal. The stamping of his legacy on one of the nation's prized programs. The fan base rewarding him with the type of reverence reserved for a small handful... Dean. Phil Ford. Air Jordan. And the tradition continues, as National Champion Tyler Hansbrough adds "Legend" to his already impressive list of career accomplishments.